


Mad Man In A Box

by EleanorC



Category: South Park
Genre: Doctor Who AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, Monster prompt, a lot of running, k2challenge18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 23:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15230511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EleanorC/pseuds/EleanorC
Summary: Stan has been telling Kyle he should learn not to work so much overtime in the lab. When another late night ends with Kyle running for his life from monsters, he is inclined to agree. Although it does come with some nice perks in the form of a time travelling box and the admittedly attractive alien that operates it.Written for Townycod13's K2challenge18.





	Mad Man In A Box

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Townycod13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/gifts).



“What the fuck?”

Kyle rolls his chair backwards to the machine housing his cell culture and presses a few buttons before rolling back towards his pc to check the readings again.

They are still oscillating way outside of normal parameters.

“This can’t be right,” Kyle mumbles to himself, wiping his brow of the summer-heat induced sweat. He gets one of his samples out of the machine, putting a small portion under a manual microscope.

Kyle sharpens the image, only to quickly divert to his pc screen and calling up the pictures he took that morning. “That is _not_ what you looked like this morning.”

He’s trying to figure out if he did anything to change the experimental conditions when his ringtone distracts him. He groans at the name on the screen, saving his files as he picks up.

“Sorry. I know. I’m late,” He says before Stan can say anything, “again.”

“Damn right, again,” Stan says, but there’s no bite to it. “What does it say about me that I keep getting stood up over unicellular organisms? Is this really what they call super best friendship?”

Kyle chuckles as he disposes of the microscope plate and closes down his lab.

“Now you’re just being overly dramatic,” he says.

“No seriously, picture this,” Stan says, his grin notable even through the phone connection. “A beautiful wedding day, everyone dressed perfectly, prettiest bride in the world. Groom not so bad himself. And who’s missing: The best man!”

“You know that would never happen.”

“Really, how so?”

“Dude, _you_ are as scary as a puppy, but I do fear _Wendy’s_ wrath,” Kyle feels a shiver run down his spine just thinking about it. Or maybe the university corridors are just creepy when he’s alone at night.

Stan laughs, “Fair enough.”

“Anyway, I’m closing down now. Which will go faster if I have both my hands free, I’ll be at Skeeter’s in about thirty minutes.”

“Alright, see you then.”

Kyle ends the call and quickly cleans up the rest of the lab, before closing his office as well. He notices a plastic case on the other desk and shakes his head. _If Butters doesn’t take that thing home soon, I’ll have to give it back to Stan._

As he passes the office of the head of the genetics faculty, he notices professor Mephesto’s computer is still on. _I thought I was the only one still here,_ Kyle thinks as he puts his keys back in his pocket. No use in locking the door if someone’s still in.

A sudden crash from the genetics labs halts Kyle’s exit.

That’s the lab they took that weird plant fossil to. The one Mephesto has been obsessed with the past week.

Kyle looks longingly at the exit, caught in a mental battle between his curiosity and his desire to get a massively overdue drink with Stan. Another crash is followed by a scream and Kyle makes up his mind, rushing to the genetics labs.

He’s so focused on his goal he doesn’t even notice the out of place port-a-potty stashed in a corner of the hallway.

Rounding the corner to the lab, he sees it’s in complete chaos. Equipment has fallen over, glass jars containing who-knows-what have scattered across the floor, and in the middle of it all lies professor Mephesto next to the thawed pod.

Has that thing always been _that_ big? Kyle’s only seen it once before, when the professor was first unpacking it and it was still frozen in a block of ice, so he can’t be sure.

“Professor Mephesto?” Kyle is hesitant to enter the room with all the chemicals out in the open, but he doesn’t want to leave his supervisor lying in the unknown mix either.

When he gets no response, Kyle drops his bag and carefully steps into the room, avoiding glass, turning on the fume hoods as he passes them. He kneels next to the man and tries to remember the instructions of his recent laboratories emergency training.

“Professor Mephesto!” He calls out again, more urgently this time while he grabs his shoulders and lightly shakes them.

Not even a flinch. Kyle uses two fingers to gently lift the professor’s chin, ducking down to check his chest. He sighs in relief when he can both feel a breath on his cheek and see the thorax expand. He puts the professor in a more stable position, reaching for his phone to call an ambulance, but then notices a small puncture on the side of the professor’s neck. The skin around it is green, and not the ‘sickly green’ kind you read about in novels. No, this was the green of grass, or… that pod.

Movement catches his peripheral vision, there’s a tendril coming out of the pod, slowly sneaking towards him.

“Holy shit!”

Kyle scrambles up to back away, and as he does, Professor Mephesto stirs.

“Professor?”

Mephesto sits up and turns to look at him, completely ignoring the multiple tendrils that are now extending over him towards Kyle. The green spot on his neck is spreading, some leaves spouting from the wound to wrap around his neck.

_What. The. Actual. Fuck._

Kyle has no time to be distracted by the physiological implications of a plant growing out of a man’s neck as the pod is rolling towards him with surprising speed, more and more tendrils unwrapping from it and reaching for him.

_Okay. Time to run._

Kyle pivots to dash off, but as he does, the tendrils shoot towards him and Kyle knows he’s a goner.

Except, fire blasts from next to Kyle, burning the pod to a crisp in seconds.

Kyle searches for the source of the fire, and finds a stranger standing to his right, deodorant bottle and zippo lighter poised, his eyes on Kyle.

Kyle opens his mouth to thank him but he’s doesn’t get very far.

“You can thank me later, after you survive this,” The stranger says, grabbing Kyle’s arm and pulling him towards the door. “I don’t think the professor likes me cremating his master.”

Professor Mephesto is indeed walking towards them with a look spelling doom, face entirely green now. Kyle allows the stranger to pull him into a run through the corridors. Away from the lab, but also away from the entrance of the building.

“What’s your name?” The stranger asks, his tone conversational as if they are strolling through the park.

“What the hell was that?” Kyle asks in return.

“That’s an odd name, for a human.”

Kyle skids to a halt, the stranger stops as well to look at him in surprise. Kyle raises his eyebrows at him and the stranger chuckles.

“Sorry, I always forget you humans have no sense of humor when adrenalin hits you.”

There is a lot Kyle wants to reply to that statement, feeling oddly insulted at being called a _human_ , but in the end he settles for repeating his earlier question, “What the hell was that?”

“A krynoid,” The stranger replies, “and oops, we really don’t have time for this. Run!”

He grabs Kyle’s arm again and pulls him to the side just in time for a tendril to crash through the wall where Kyle stood just a moment before.

And then they are running again.

Kyle opens his mouth again to ask what the _fuck_ a krynoid is, but the stranger seems to be able to read his thoughts.

“No time for questions now, let’s get you somewhere safe first,” He yells, still not remotely winded, “Name’s Kenny, by the way, since you are so reluctant on giving yours.”

Kyle just grunts, too focused on keeping his breaths steady and putting one foot in front of the other to give a proper reply. They take a zig-zagging route through the hallways, gaining distance on the professor Mephesto-plant hybrid chasing them. Rounding another corner, Kyle notices they went a full circle around the building and are nearing the exit now. Finding an extra burst of energy, Kyles rushes towards the doors, but Kenny is pulling his arm in a different direction again. Back towards the lab they originally came from.

“The exit’s that way,” Kyle gasps between pants, pointing back behind them.

“Yeah, but I’ve got something better than a boring old exit.” Kenny flashes a smile over his shoulder at Kyle and drags him to the port-a-potty he ignored before.

Kyle stumbles a bit when he notices it and starts to slow down, hoping Kenny doesn’t want him to enter the portable toilet. He hates those things enough when he’s the only one using them, hiding in there with two people? No way. What was it doing in their building anyway? They had perfectly clean and functional toilets on all floors.

When it becomes clear the toilet is Kenny’s destination, Kyle stops resolutely a few steps away from it. “No.”

Kenny halts in front of the thing and turns to him. “No what?” Why was that guy still not out of breath?

“Not… hiding… in… there,” Kyle forces out between gasps. Is his stamina really this bad?

“Why not? It’s the safest place on earth, I promise.”

“It’s tiny.” Kyle is starting to wonder why he didn’t just break away from Kenny when he was close to the exit. “And made of plastic.”

“It’s safe, I promise. Come on, before the big guy finds us again.”

“No way.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I’ve never seen you before in my life!”

“Point taken,” Kenny says, a crash nearby indicating that professor Mephesto is getting closer again. “You’re gonna have to make a decision soon, though.”

Kenny opens the door of the port-a-potty and Kyle turns to head for the exit when a second crash sounds, a lot closer this time. With a scream, he runs through the door Kenny is holding open for him.

“What the—” Kyle is vaguely aware of Kenny coming in and closing the door behind him, running for a big red button and pushing it, but he’s too busy staring at the space he’s in to register it fully.

This is most definitely _not_ a normal port-a-potty. That, or he’s been using them wrong all his life.

Kyle finds himself in a room that he can only describe as a severely antique space ship. There’s a console with more levers and buttons than the average airplane cockpit, some of which seem to be hanging together with duct tape, just like the seats. A strange collection of posters covers the walls, all of them sporting either voluptuous women or bare-chested men.

“It’s…” Kyle trails off as he catches Kenny staring at him expectantly. _Bigger on the inside_. Kyle thinks, but doesn’t want to say. It’s obviously what Kenny wants him to say. “A fucking pigsty.”

Kenny grins anyway. And they fall into a silence that allows Kyle to settle himself somewhat and come to terms with his situation as Kenny busies himself pushing buttons at the console.

He is inside a magical port-a-potty.

That’s bigger on the inside.

Because he’s being chased by his supervisor.

Who got infected by a prehistorical plant.

And he was saved by a stranger.

Kyle takes the time to really look at Kenny.

He’s got shaggy blond hair, falling over his eyes, wearing an orange T-shirt a shade Kyle would find hideous on anyone else but which works on Kenny. Kyle notices a completely out of place office bag hanging from Kenny’s shoulder and narrows his eyes.

“Is that my bag?”

“If you left your bag on the floor near that lab, then yes, it probably is,” Kenny replies, setting it on one of the seats without looking away. “I needed something flammable, your human deodorant did the job splendidly.”

Kyle stares, only then realizing that the can Kenny had been holding when he first saw him was indeed his favorite brand. Kenny digs into the back pocket of his jeans and throws the zippo lighter in Kyle’s direction. “Thanks for letting me borrow that as well, by the way.”

Kyle looks at the lighter in his hand and digs into the pocket of his pants. No lighter. When did Kenny pick his pocket?

“After your lunch at the food court, this afternoon.”

“I wasn’t aware I was saying that out loud,” Kyle says, feeling increasingly annoyed with himself; he always thought he’d function well under stress, apparently not. He really shouldn’t be staring this much at Kenny, either.

“You didn’t.” Kenny smirks, and Kyle feels his face flush as Kenny moves to stand right in front of him. “I think you wanted to thank me, back in the lab.”

Kyle must look up a little to look Kenny in the eyes, feeling a little apprehensive at the way Kenny’s pitch suddenly lowered.

“Feel free to thank me now,” Kenny continues, his smirk growing more pronounced. “In fact, feel free to thank me in any way you like, my dear damsel.”

Kyle’s wills his face not to turn any redder than it already has.

Here he is, only just finishing catching his breath after running for his life from a _plant_ , hiding in the dingiest space ship he’s ever been on, and an unfairly attractive guy that has called him ‘human’ one too many times to be human himself is flirting with him like this is all just another Tuesday.

Well, screw him, it’s Friday, and two can play that game.

Kyle leans up a little, putting his hands on Kenny’s shoulders and lowers his voice to whisper a husky “thanks” in his ear.

Then swiftly knees the guy in the groin, causing Kenny to fall gasping to his knees.

“And if you ever call me your damsel again I will gut you.”

“Noted,” Kenny huffs, but as he looks up at Kyle, the smirk is still there, and Kyle knows that the force of the threat is severely diminished by his still red cheeks.

They stare at each other like that for a while, and Kyle can’t bring himself to look away from the clear blue eyes, until Kenny picks himself up and turns to the console again. Kyle feels oddly disappointed at the loss of eye contact, immediately followed by a surge of annoyance.

“Kyle,” he says, to break the silence.

“What?” Kenny asks, not looking away from the screen.

“My name. It’s Kyle.”

Kenny smiles, “See? That’s a much more viable name for a human.” 

Kyle snorts, “So viable, that there are seven Kyles in my family.”

“Never said humans were original.”

“Yes, ‘cause ‘Kenny’ is so much better,” Kyle feels a grin creep onto his face, enjoying the playful bickering more than he’ll ever admit out loud.

“Who said—” But whatever who said what will have to wait, because loud crashes suddenly sound from the door, bringing Kyle back to the current situation and causing him to stare at it.

“Just how safe are we in here?”

“Very, I put the Tardis in invisible mode when we entered it, so the krynoid won’t be able to find us.”

Kyle finds himself believing it. He thinks over his options while listening to the noises growing farther again.

“And what is a krynoid, exactly?”

“An alien weed that likes to eat anything without a cell wall.” Kenny finally looks at Kyle. “Which mea—”

“Which means anything that’s not a plant, bacteria, fungus or algae is food,” Kyle supplies, smirking. “You saved someone in a microbiology laboratory. Did you think I was the janitor or something?”

Kenny grins, “My bad, I always mix up the knowledge level of a certain time period.”

Kyle frowns at the odd statement, but doesn’t get to ask what Kenny means, for the grin falls off Kenny’s face as he looks towards the door. “Anyway, unless we kill it now, it will kill all animal life on earth.”

“….Ok,” Kyle says, “How do we kill it?”

Kenny doesn’t answer right away, giving Kyle a calculating look.

“You don’t seem as surprised as most people would be,” He says eventually.

“I’m from a shitty town called South Park. Believe me, I’ve seen things,” Kyle counters, “And you’re not the first alien I’ve come across.”

Kenny smirks, “Bet I’m the prettiest, though.”

Kyle feels his cheeks heating up again, but this time he’s unwilling to be distracted from the topic at hand. “What’s a Tardis?”

Kenny’s smile goes wider. “You’re in one. It’s a time machine,” He says, “Well, time and space, really, there’s some exhaustively long proper name for it, but I can never be bothered to memorize it.”

Kyle cocks an eyebrow. “A time machine,” He repeats, entirely unconvinced.

“What? A human-eating plant, an alien and a space ship posing as a port-a-potty are okay, but you draw the line at time machine?”

Kyle frowns and nods, causing Kenny to burst out laughing.

“You really are something else, Kyle,” He says, “Well, if time travel is a bit hard for you to swallow, how about we kill ourselves an alien plant first?”

“Sure, but like I asked before, how?” Kyle takes the zippo out of his pocket again and wiggles it in Kenny’s direction. “I don’t know where you left the can, but I’m pretty sure professor Mephesto wouldn’t like us setting him on fire, so we need to separate him from the plant first…” Kyle halts as he sees the look in Kenny’s eyes. “Right? We can do that, right?”

Kenny shakes his head. “It was too late for him the moment the krynoid got his spores into his bloodstream. He _is_ a krynoid now.” Kyle needs to sit down as Kenny continues. “But you are right, the same tactic wouldn’t work on a humanoid size krynoid. For one, he’s too large for something like a makeshift flamethrower to work, and secondly, the pod was drenched in flammable chemicals.”

“So, what do we do then?”

“There are two ways of killing them.” Kenny rummages through a cabinet under the console. “One is burning them, as you’ve seen. The other is freezing, shattering, and then burning the remains.” Kenny straightens up while shaking his head at the cabinet. “The problem is freezing something like that instantly. I seem to have misplaced the absolute zero attachment for my sonic screwdriver.”

“Sorry, a sonic what?”

“Screwdriver.” Kenny digs into his back pocket and takes out something that doesn’t even remotely looks like a screwdriver. “nifty little gadget, comes in real handy.”

When Kyle just gives him a disbelieving stare, Kenny launches into an explanation of how the thing works.

Kyle is only half paying attention though, the lab two floors above them coming to mind. “Would a large cannister of liquid nitrogen do the trick?”

Kenny grins, “If we can explode it right on top of him, yes.”

“We’re gonna need a gun then.”

Kenny’s grin falls off his face instantly, “I don’t like guns.”

Kyle frowns, “Me neither, but we need a small point of impact to make the cannister I have in mind burst with enough force to cover him completely.”

“True,” Kenny says, “and we don’t have much time, he will access enough of his hosts memories soon to realize he can leave the building.”

Kyle suddenly wishes he had allowed Stan to convince him to buy a gun of his own. His police officer friend always complains about Kyle being in the streets late at night without any protection.

Wait a minute. Stan.

“Would a nail gun work?”

Kenny takes a few seconds to think it over. “Worth a shot.”

A disturbingly close bang sounds and Kenny is suddenly right in front of Kyle again, his hands on his shoulders.

“Alright, this is what we’ll do…”

Kyle doesn’t get the plan at first, but in the end, agrees to it anyway.

As Kenny leaves through the door he shouts, “Your turn to save me, handsome!” And starts yelling profanities, searching for the krynoid.

When Kyle’s phone buzzes, he leaves the Tardis as well, making a straight line for his office to grab the nail gun from the case on Butters’ desk. He turns it on and puts the power on maximum as he runs to the emergency staircases, taking them two at a time.

He reaches the cryogenic lab pausing just outside the door to see that Kenny is already there, dodging around the giant cannister of liquid nitrogen, taunting the krynoid into trailing him. There is little left of the professor, the humanoid form completely covered in vines and leaves.

“Now, it doesn’t have to be this way,” Kenny is talking as he had planned, dodging to the other side of the room, the krynoid following. “I can find you a nice, uninhabited planet, you can take root and peacefully soak up sunlight until you collapse under your own weight.”

Kenny dodges again, making a full circle, and Kyle only realizes why Kenny insisted on trying to talk to the creature when it responds with Mephesto’s voice. “Why would I do that when I can have that same peaceful life right here after I’ve gotten rid of all the pests?”

“Because you can’t, I won’t allow it.” Kenny’s voice holds a warning, glancing at Kyle, signaling that he knows where Kyle is, but the krynoid doesn’t seem to heed it, for it charges towards Kenny, who jumps out of the way, behind a table. “SHOOT!”

Kyle jumps into the doorway, aims the nail gun and shoots the middle of the cannister.

Nothing happens.

Kyle looks at Kenny in a panic as he realizes the nail left a dent, but the impact wasn’t strong enough to cause the explosion they need.

The krynoid bursts out a booming laugh, and Kyle thinks he’s done for, again, but Kenny comes scrambling from behind the table and presses his sonic screwdriver, against the side of the nail gun.

“Try again,” He whispers, not noticing the krynoid closing in.

With a mighty yell, Kyle kicks the krynoid away just before it can reach Kenny, the force moving back to the cannister. He lifts the nail gun to aim, and shoots a second time.

This time the cannister explodes, instantly freezing the krynoid.

Kyle lowers the gun and turns to Kenny, “You alright?”

Kenny swallows, staring at the frozen creature, and nods before pressing the sonic screwdriver against it, causing it to shatter.

They carefully burn the remains under one of the fume hoods, working mostly in silence. As the last pieces burn, Kyle stands in front of it, staring at the flames.

When Kenny stands beside him, he unconsciously leans towards him, seeking comfort.

“You’re shaking. You doing okay?” Kenny asks.

Lost in thought, Kyle voices his biggest concern without any kind of filter. “I just killed a man. I can’t believe I did that.”

“You defended yourself, Kyle,” Kenny puts a hand on Kyle’s shoulder, comforting. “Besides, he wasn’t human anymore, everything that ever made him who he was, was already gone.”

Kyle doesn’t answer that at first. He knows all that. He knows he shouldn’t feel this guilty. That there was no other way.

But still…

“Professor Mephesto deserved better,” He says.

“That, he did.”

When the flames have burned out, and Kenny has double checked they got all the pieces, they make their way back to the Tardis.

Kyle glances at one of the clocks they pass, wondering why Stan hasn’t called a second time and considering calling the whole drinking-thing off for today.

He really does need a drink though.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the company, but why are you following me back to my Tardis?” Kenny asks as they pass the exit towards the corridor with the fake port-a-potty.

Kyle meets Kenny’s eyes to see a mischievous glint there that is already becoming familiar. Kyle followed Kenny without thinking, but he isn’t about to tell him that. Bastard is cocky enough as it is.

“My bag is in it, I’d like it back.”

“I see.”

When they reach the Tardis, Kyle waits outside for Kenny to bring him his bag, wanting to turn and leave the moment Kenny hands it to him, but Kenny doesn’t let it go right away.

“You saved my life, that’s not something that happens very often,” He says, looking Kyle in the eye with a smirk that puts him on guard.

“Yeah, well,” Kyle says before Kenny can continue his line of thinking, “You may _not_ thank me in any way you like, just _thank you_ will do.”

Kenny grins, “You sure? You might like my way of thanking.”

Kyle mirrors the grin. “I’m sure. Don’t even know what kind of alien you are; who knows what kinda germs you carry around.”

Kyle freezes as Kenny’s grin turns wider.

Shit.

He just flirted back without even realizing it, didn’t he?

Kenny releases the bag in favor of placing his hand over his heart and fanning his face dramatically. “Oh Kyle, I wasn’t even thinking of anything physical,” He says, before dropping the cute act and placing one hand on Kyle’s cheek. “But that can be arranged if you really want it.”

Kyle frantically tries to come up with a comeback that’ll allow him to backtrack. “I told you, I don’t want your germs. And who would just go along with a random alien that _claims_ he can time travel but doesn’t even prove it.”

Kenny stops laughing, “No, but seriously. I can prove it to you. I can take you to whenever you like,” he says, “It’ll be my actual thank-you for dealing with the krynoid.”

Kyle narrows his eyes at the change in attitude, but he lets Kenny drag him into the spaceship anyway. “Why are you so adamant about this?”

Kenny closes the door behind them and goes to the console. “You just called me random and questioned my ability to travel in time, any timelord worth hi—”

“Excuse me, _timelord_?” Kyle laughs, “Who the hell calls himself a timelord?”

“Oy! I can’t help what my race calls itself, just like you can’t help the word human.”

Kyle stops laughing, “You’re telling me there’s seriously an alien race out there, that look exactly like humans, and can travel in time?”

“Well, considering we were here thousands of years before the first humans, I’d say humans are the ones that look like timelords, but yes.”

Kyle crosses his arms as he looks at Kenny, “And you want to take me to another time to prove that, huh?”

“Yep.”

“In other words, I harmed your pride and now you need to fix it by proving yourself to me.”

“And I’ll guilt trip you until you help me heal my wounded ego,” Kenny grins. “Besides, I think we’d make a great time travelling… pair,” He stalls at the end of his sentence, “Shit.”

Kenny’s overall stance goes from relaxed to alert in less than a second.

“What?” Kyle asks.

Kenny runs back to the console and starts furiously typing with one hand, plugging his screwdriver in a slot with the other. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid,” He mumbles, “Can’t believe I forgot about this.”

“Forgot what?” Kyle presses, feeling completely out of the loop.

“Krynoid pods always travel in pairs.”

“You mean there’s another one of those things out there?” Shivers run down his spine just thinking about it, but Kenny shakes his head.

“Not in this direct area, but somewhere on earth, yeah.”

“But that thing came from a glacier in Greenland, it’s probably been on earth for thousands of years,” Kyle says, “How the hell are we supposed to find something like that? It could be anywhere.”

“Which is why I’m letting the Tardis look for the moment in time it would’ve been found naturally. It might’ve never been found, no sense in digging for it.”

“Wait, you’re really serious about the whole time travel thing?” Kyle asks, still not sure if he believes it.

“Yep.” Kenny grins at Kyle when the monitor beeps and shows a date and coordinates. “And looks like I’ll get to show you, too.”

Kyle moves to look over Kenny’s shoulder at the monitor, but the numbers make no sense to him.

“Where is that,” Kyle asks, pointing at the screen.

Kenny turns and Kyle realizes just how close they are. “How do you feel about a first date to Paris, babe?”

Kyle feels his eye twitch at the statement, and Kenny must see it too, since he quickly backtracks, “Is babe a forbidden word too?”

Kyle smirks, finally seeing a chance to get some payback for all the flirting Kenny has been throwing his way. “Nah, just wondering if your idea of a date is hunting down a carnivorous alien plant that could potentially kill all animal life on the planet, cause if it is, I want you to take me to the nearest library so I can show you the definition of the word romantic.”

It’s too bad that it doesn’t seem to deter Kenny.

“And here I thought you were the type of guy that wanted some excitement in his life,” Kenny moves around Kyle, circling him as he continues, “But if you want romantic, I know this tiny little place, with a view of the Seine, candle-lit dinner, violin music. I can get you roses from the gardens of Versailles and—”

“On second thought, date-hunting sounds perfect,” Kyle interrupts him, the sweetness of the scenario Kenny was sketching making him nauseous.

Kenny grins, and Kyle realizes he just agreed to a date without meaning to.

“First date Paris it is, then,” Kenny says while pulling a lever, making the entire room shake, and nearly causing Kyle to fall over.

After a good thirty seconds of shaking and rumbling, everything goes quiet, and Kenny pulls his sonic screwdriver out of the console again to make his way to the exit, pausing before opening the door.

“After you,” He says, grinning at Kyle. “Proof that I can travel in time.”

Kyle raises his eyebrows, but makes his way to the door as instructed, curious to see if it’s all a joke or not. He pulls it open, only for 10 inches of snow to come tumbling inside, all over his feet, and a blast of cold air to blow in his face.

Kyle jumps back with a yell, “What the shit? It’s fucking freezing!”

Kenny drapes an arm over Kyle’s already shivering shoulders, heat sinking through Kyle’s thin shirt. “Welcome to the winter of 2059.” Kenny takes a deep breath. “Gotta love Paris in snow.”

“Th-That’s all nice and all, but I-I’m not going out there dressed like th-this.” Kyle struggles, and fails, to keep his teeth from clattering.

Kenny chuckles and closes the door, needs to give it a big shove to do so with all the snow that came in, and points at a rickety set of stairs Kyle hadn’t noticed, leading to a second door.

“Go upstairs, second door on the right, there should be something in there that fits you.”

Kyle has a hard time believing that, until he opens the door Kenny spoke of, and finds himself in a walk-in closet that would make the average diva weep in envy.

“ _Did you find something?”_ Kenny’s voice sounds over an intercom.

“Dude, you have enough clothes in here to dress half of Afrika.”

“ _Yeah, well… I dress according to my mood, and my mood changes rather drastically.”_

As Kyle walks past different racks, pulling out random articles of clothing, he asks, “Does your size change along with it?”

“ _Sometimes._ ”

“Right.”

“ _Anyway, can you bring the orange parka with the hood with you? It should be lying there somewhere.”_

Kyle looks around until he spots the mentioned coat. “Yeah, see it. Will bring it when I’m done.”

“ _Alrighty. Make sure to pick something date worthy to wear, babe._ ”

Kyle hopes Kenny can’t see him in there as he flushes and says, “Keep on dreaming, timeboy.”

“ _Time. Lord._ ”

“Whatever.”

Ten minutes of digging through stuff leave Kyle with a thick dark green woolen coat, gloves, and heavy boots to replace his converse. He picks up the orange coat on his way back to what he refers to in his mind as ‘the cockpit’, Kenny throwing him an appreciative smile as her goes down the stairs. Kyle freezes halfway down, the reality of the situation crashing over him. He is in the future, with a guy he met about an hour ago, ready to walk off and fight monsters, all whilst being ceaselessly flirted with.

This is not him.

These kinds of things don’t happen to Kyle Broflovski.

Sure, he’s seen his fair share of weird shit, growing up in South Park. But Stan has been accusing him of becoming boring ever since they grew up, has been berating him for never trusting anyone showing the slightest interest in him. For not even being open to dating after graduating college.

So why is he just going along with it now? 

Kenny is still looking at him like he’s dressed in a tuxedo instead of cold weather gear, and Kyle forcefully pushes his distracting thoughts away, to continue his walk down.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks.

Kenny’s smile goes just that little bit wider. “No matter where you go in space and time there are a few things that never change, Kyle. The joy at seeing your clothes on your date is one of them.”

Okay, this is getting ridiculous, and Kyle opens his mouth to tell Kenny that this is _not_ a date. But something stops him.

Instead, Kyle hands Kenny the coat, expecting him to put it on, but Kenny just digs through the pockets until he finds a little black card holder with a scrap of white paper and puts it in his back pocket before shrugging into a black leather jacket.

“Seriously?” Kyle asks, “You made me take the coat here, and you’re not even wearing it?”

“Yeah, I mean, that coat is so last week’s me.”

“You’re impossible, has anyone ever told you that?”

“All the freaking time.” Kenny shrugs as he makes his way to the door and opens it with a wide smile. “Allons-nous, ma demoiselle?”

Kyle crosses his arms and gives Kenny a glare, “If you think you can suddenly get away with calling me damsel while speaking French, guess again… Imbécile.”

“Worth a try,” Kenny is still smiling at Kyle, making him feel silly for being difficult.

Here he is, in front of an open door leading to Paris. A destination he’s never allowed himself to even dream of, and he’s stalling on stepping through the door. And why? Because he’s afraid to take a leap. Stan’s voice echoes through the back of his mind. _If you never take a risk, how do you expect to find anything, or anyone, exciting in your life?_

Well, _apparently_ excitement just barges into his life during, whether he likes it or not. Kyle takes one more look at the unfairly attractive alien that has been throwing flirts his way for the past hour, finding nothing but an open smile and an unspoken invitation, and decides to just keep going with the flow like he has been all evening… or day, now that that skipped time. Kyle is still getting used to that concept. Besides, Stan is right, it’s been way too long since he went on a date.

Kyle smiles, hooks his arm through Kenny’s and pulls him through the door. “Let’s go.”

Outside, Kyle needs to take a moment to absorb his surroundings. They’ve landed in a park surrounded by buildings that are more modern than what he’d expect to find in an old city like Paris. The snow is everywhere and there is a bunch of kids playing around in it a bit away.

“So, how will we find the krynoid pod in a city this big?” Kyle asks.

Kenny shrugs. “We don’t. It’s still like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. We came to this exact moment in time because we can’t miss it here.”

“And what do we do in the mean time?”

“Have our date?”

They keep their arms linked as they start strolling in a seemingly random direction, if only to keep themselves upright on the slippery sidewalks which have only been partially cleared of snow.

Kyle curses as he almost slips anyway. “Global warming, my ass,” he grumbles, causing Kenny to chuckle.

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone back in 2018 was quite expecting the climate change to go in this direction,” Kenny says, before stopping and carefully unlocking their arms. “Wait here, I think I have something that’ll help.”

Kenny turns and runs back to the Tardis, making Kyle wonder how he does that in the shoes he’s wearing, but Kenny is back before long, carrying a pair of strap-on ice spikes and waving a little piece of metal in Kyle’s direction. “Guess what I found lying in the cold weather gear storage,” He asks as he pulls out his sonic screwdriver and attaches the piece of metal while Kyle fixes the ice spikes to his boots.

“Absolute zero extension?”

“Bingo.”

“So, 2059, right?” Kyle says five minutes later as they continue strolling, arms linked again. “Should I like, avoid newspapers and stuff? Seeing as this is a year I could technically still be alive. Like, is it even alright for you to show me where climate change is taking us?”

“Nah, it should be fine, time is in flux anyway. Just don’t try to find yourself,” Kenny says, as they reach a river and start walking along it. “As for the climate, Earth is already on this path now, not much you can do to change it.”

Kyle frowns a little at that. “Not sure if I should find that comforting or depressing.”

“It’s really not that bad, the winters have gotten colder, summers got warmer, more humid. It’s pushed agriculture to develop in leaps and bounds over the last couple of decades.”

“Good to know I chose the right area for my research,” Kyle jokes, “Wait a minute, is this the Seine?”

Kenny nods looking way to proud of himself, “So, believe me about the time travelling yet?”

“Would be kind of hard to deny it at this point,” Kyle says, “God, I can’t believe I followed a random alien to fight a monster on the other side of the planet four decades in the future. Who the hell does that?”

“You’d be surprised how few people say no to an opportunity like that,” Kenny answers, despite the question obviously being rhetorical, “And there you go again, calling me random.”

“Well, make yourself less random then, tell me about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?” Kenny asks as they pass another couple.

“What the fuck is a timelord?”

“We’re a species from the planet Gallifrey, which is quite a long way away from here. Like you mentioned before, you look like us, but there are some key differences as well.” Kenny explains.

“Like what?”

“For example: I have two hearts, we perceive the universe in a different way, we can see time, observe it.” Kenny shrugs, something he’s been doing a lot. “And we get older than humans.”

Kyle narrows his eyes at Kenny again, “Define older.”

“I‘m considered a rebellious teenager; 178 human years old.”

“Right.”

“Don’t believe me?” Kenny teases, smirking down at Kyle.

“I have a feeling you want me to say no, just so you can prove me wrong.”

“Oh, darling, you know me so well already.”

Kyle finds himself smiling as Kenny tells him stories about his adventures. There seem to be many, and each one more ridiculous than the one before.

“If timelords are so long-lived and well-travelled, why haven’t we seen more of you?” Kyle asks at some point.

Kenny frowns at the question, stops walking, and turns to stare out over the river. “Because it’s prohibited to leave the planet unless expressly ordered to do so,” He says, a touch of wistfulness in his voice. “If you leave without permission, you become an outcast.”

They fall silent after that, Kenny staring at the water, giving Kyle time to observe him. “Why did you leave?”

“Who says I left without permission?” Kenny counters.

“You did, just now.”

Kenny seems to think about that for a second, then shakes his head, amused. “You are pretty damn clever, for a human.”

Kyle feels the corners of his mouth tug up in reaction to the semi-compliment, but he’s not about to be distracted. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“I was an outcast whether I stayed or left, I figured if I was gonna be a pariah anyway, might as well have some fun along the way.”

Kyle isn’t sure what possesses him to do it, but in the silence that follows he unhooks his arm from Kenny’s to put his hand on his instead. When Kenny smiles at him in a way that Kyle deems way too sad to belong on the face of the timelord, he notices something behind him.

“Hey, Kenny. When you said that in this moment in time it would be hard to miss the second pod, what did you mean?”

Kenny frowns down at him, “Meaning that it will have hatched and causing a big disturbance, which tends to stand out.”

Kyle wasn’t looking at Kenny anymore, but rather at the big object behind him, “Like that?” He asks, pointing behind Kenny, where one side of the Eiffel tower is completely wrapped in vines.

Kenny turns to look. “Exactly like that,” He says, before grabbing Kyle’s hand, and running towards it.

“I don’t understand,” Kyle yells as they run, towards danger this time. “No one has sounded an alarm yet, it has to be growing fast. How? The other one didn’t grow very fast.”

Kenny throws him a look, pointing at the sky with his free hand in answer.

Right, plants need UV light to grow, which it didn’t have at the labs since it was night.

As they come closer they see that the krynoid isn’t covering the entire height of the tower. It looks to Kyle as if it started somewhere near the top, and is now growing both up and down. They come across people running the other way now, emphasizing to Kyle that he really should be going away from it as well, not towards it, but his curiosity keeps him from turning around.

When they get a full view of the tower, Kenny stops running, and clicks his tongue in an annoyed manner. “That thing’s too large to freeze and smash,” He says.

Kyle nods in agreement, “Not to mention it’s moving faster than the other one. I don’t see how we could possibly get close enough to freeze it in the first place.”

“We could burn it,” Kenny offers, looking at the plant with a calculating gaze.

“With what? We’d still need to get close enough, and you said you didn’t have a flame thrower when we fought the first krynoid…” Kyle trails off as Kenny starts to smirk, “Seriously, you have a flamethrower in there, and we didn’t use it?”

Kenny shrugs, “Didn’t want to burn your work place to the ground.”

“Right, which brings us to the next question,” Kyle eyes the krynoid again, which is already looking larger since the last time he looked at it. “Won’t the Eiffel tower get damaged-slash-melt if we set something that big on fire? I mean, last time I checked the human race was pretty attached to that ugly-ass thing.”

Kenny thinks about that for exactly two seconds before answering, “Wood fires don’t get hotter than approximately eight hundred degrees Celsius, this original Eiffel tower is constructed mainly from wrought iron, which has a melting temperature of fifteen hundred degrees Celsius.”

“So, in theory, it should hold,” Kyle finishes, before latching on to a detail he nearly missed, “Hang on, did you just say _original_?”

“Yeah, well. It gets destroyed and rebuilt a couple of times, in the near future.”

“You’re kidding.”

Kenny grins, “Like you said, you humans are attached to it.”

Kyle notices police cars quarantining the area, a feeling of doom descending upon him. “Kenny, what will the government do with something like this?”

Kenny doesn’t even take a second to think this time. “Humanity’s favorite solution to everything; bomb it.”

“I think you’d better go grab that flamethrower quickly then.”

Kenny cocks an eyebrow, “Alright, and what about you?” He asks, not missing the fact that Kyle left out his own destination, but Kyle is already running towards the tower.

“Evacuation!” He yells over his shoulder.

“Wait!”

Kyle almost doesn’t stop, but Kenny sounds so urgent he does anyway.

He turns just in time to see the sonic screwdriver flying his way.

“Just in case, setting 12 to freeze, 25 to smash.” Kenny yells, and Kyle flashes him a smile before they both turn and run in opposite directions.

As he gets closer to the tower, Kyle starts hearing screams over the sounds of people running. By the time he reaches the tower, the square is almost deserted but as Kyle had feared, there are infected people making their way down. Kyle makes his way to the zig-zagging stairs, hoping above all else that the creatures don’t work out how to use the elevators. He carefully starts making his way up, waiting at the first turn for one of the infected to reach him, fumbling with the sonic screwdriver to get it in the correct setting.

When the first infected reaches him, Kyle hesitates. Must remind himself that the young woman is already lost. That killing her is a mercy at this point. It isn’t until the woman screams and sends tendrils flying his way that Kyle presses the button in a reflex. As he cranks the setting up, he mumbles a quick, “Sorry,” before shattering the ice statue.

Kyle goes back down to close the gate to the stairs, planning to wait for the others to come down and keep an eye at the elevator at the same time. But then he hears a scream that is suddenly cut off, making his blood run cold. There could still be survivors up there, he realizes. He turns and climbs further up the stairs, freezing and shattering several infected tourists on his way. He whispers apologetically to each one.

Kyle starts to think he came up the tower for nothing, that there are no survivors left, when he hears a child crying. He pushes his exhausted legs just a little further, until he at last reaches the first viewing platform.

The main bulk of the krynoid is on the second viewing platform, and there are only a few people on this level. Almost all of them infected, but thankfully still unconscious.

Kyle looks around to see where the crying is coming from, until he spots a young boy, no older than ten, who climbed up an off-limits ladder to get away from an infected human.

Kyle quickly runs up to the boy, freezing the krynoid spawn.

“Hey there buddy, you speak English?”

The boy frowns down at him. “I _am_ English.”

Kyle chuckles, “Fair enough. Got a name?”

“Gregory.”

“Alright, can you come down from there? It’s not safe here.”

Gregory gives him an apprehensive look for a couple more seconds, before carefully climbing down.

Kyle crouches in front of the boy. “Good job. Now, I need two hands for this.” He holds up the screwdriver. “I need you to listen to me very carefully okay. Stay where I can see you and run when I tell you to.”

When the boy nods, Kyle smiles in relief. “Okay, let’s go to the stairs and make our way down then.”

Kyle stands and turns to the stairs, but Gregory tugs his coat, not moving.

“What is it?” Kyle asks, eying all the unconscious infected people that could wake any minute.

“My friend, Christophe, he went further up.”

“Shit.” Kyle grits his teeth. “Okay look. I burned all the monsters on the way down, think you can go downstairs on your own?”

Gregory hesitates, but then nods.

“Okay, you go down, and run as far from the tower as you can. I’ll go look for your friend.”

It occurs to Kyle that the chances of the other boy surviving are slim at best, but he can’t risk it.

He notices a gate at the top of the stairs going down, and closes it behind Gregory. On his way up, Kyle comes across more krynoid-infected people who are already moving, hoping against hope the battery on his weapon doesn’t run out, if it even has one.  

When he rounds another corner on the landing, he stands face to face with a completely overgrown woman, who instantly reaches out to him. He tries to freeze her, but in his haste, puts the setting wrong, blowing wind at her instead.

He curses as he fumbles with the settings on the sonic screwdriver, managing to put it to the right one just in time to freeze the tendrils flying his way.

As the woman crumbles to pieces, Kyle becomes aware of someone cursing.

“Sheet, sheet. Zhis is worse than guard dogs.”

A boy, with darker hair than Gregory but the same age, comes running down the stairs, followed by what Kyle can only assume is part of the original krynoid. Kyle becomes aware that the air has been heating up for a while now, looking up to see the main body ablaze.

_Kenny did it_ , Kyle thinks with a smile, before realizing he’s in a metal tower with a burning plant on top.

“Are you Christophe?” He asks, to which the boy nods. “Come with me, your friend should be out of the tower by now.”

They start running, throwing glances over their shoulders at the krynoid limb following them.

It takes a while for Kyle to notice the tendrils aren’t just following them down the stairs, but are caging them in by growing directly down as well. He gasps when they reach the first viewing platform; the exit towards it is blocked by vines.

They slow down, Christophe uttering another “Sheet” under his breath. Kyle is doing his best to freeze the tendrils reaching their way, when they suddenly hear a thundering voice from the other side. “DUCK!”

They listen, and not a second too late, for an immense beam of fire lights up the vines, burning them away. On the other side is Kenny, flamethrower in hand, in front of his Tardis. They run inside, Kyle crashing the door behind them as Kenny busies himself with the controls.

Thirty seconds later they land at the edge of the square, and Kyle is relieved to see Gregory running towards them when they exit the Tardis.

As Kyle watches the two friends run away together, he tries to catch his breath enough to say, “About thanking you for saving my life in any way I like?”

Kenny smirks, the bastard yet again displaying his extensive stamina by not being out of breath at all. “What about it?”

Kyle takes a deep breath and turns towards Kenny, his heart rate stabilizing. “That offer still standing?”

The smile on Kenny’s face was enough to take Kyle’s breath away all over again.

“Is this the part where we finally kiss?” Kenny tilts his head.

Which is why Kyle slaps him in the face, then marches past him into the Tardis. When he hears Kenny following him inside, demanding an explanation, he turns on his heel, walks right up to him, and pushes him back against the door, crashing their lips together.

When Kenny drops Kyle off at Skeeter’s at 8:36 pm, twenty-five minutes after Stan originally called him his lips are chafed and he should be more tired than he has been in a long time, but instead, he feels invigorated.

Who knew having your life saved by time travelling aliens could be this fun?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this silly thing that wouldn't leave me alone. A thousand Kudo's to Xaverri for Beta'ing/editing this, putting up with me constantly nagging her for advise. Honestly, go check out some of her stuff, it's great!
> 
> So I have this idea that I might do if people are interested, where I can make follow up's for this one-shot, based on suggestions by readers. Just give me a place in the universe, time-frame (can be a year, or a period), and a major plot-point (Something that can spark the interest of Kenny and Kyle), and I can try and make a chapter around it. 
> 
> If this is something that would interest people, let me know, and I will see if I can actually make that work ^^.


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